Welcome to MOTHER/MUSIC/HOOD.

I have been a musician professionally speaking, for 20 odd years now, and a mother for 10. It’s taken me this long to realize that I needed a space to talk about the trials and tribulations of trying to pursue my passion while also stoking the fires of the 3 little girls that were created in my womb.

I started out as many little children do, or used to, in the church and school choir. It was here that I learned about the philosophy and mechanics of harmony and collaboration. The love of singing that was fostered here turned into many school musicals and eventually the “thought” that I just might be a “musician.” When I entered college, I thought I would eventually apply for musical theater, as at the time it was the only real strength I felt I had. However, once I saw the type of girls that were in the program, little old insecure, round, awkward me ran straight for the hills and into the arms of Philosophy and History. Finally, a place I felt at home…

Two years into college, after major heartbreak and a fresh start, I met a woman who would unbeknownst to me at the time, set me on a course towards emotional and intellectual freedom through her vocal jazz workshops. At the time, the existence of a workshop never even occurred to me. I took one, then another one, and then another one. I hardly recognize that fearless girl sometimes, getting up there, not a crack in her voice, singing bebop and wearing satin. I tried to take her all the way, used my newfound knowledge to explore and expand my undergraduate studies, applied to McGill, was denied, moved to Vancouver and didn’t quite fit there either. Trying to forge my path, trying to sort out what tunes I wanted to do, trying to deal with the pressure of not being good enough if I didn’t play an instrument outside my body or write original songs. I eventually gave up, moved back to Calgary and joined a pop-folk band called WOODPIGEON that would bring rebirth to my tired musical being and so many adventures as well. We played show after show, record after record until our road together ended.

For me, the path diverged when I became pregnant with my first child. Try as I might, I didn’t understand how to converge the two paths I was on. It seemed selfish and uncaring to want to play the shows and festivals we were invited to and seeing how we were an 8 piece band, I figured no one would notice I wasn’t there. I stopped performing regularly, lost momentum and overtime began to feel extremely obscure. Motherhood hadn’t made me the bright light I had hoped it would. I had talent, I thought so why wasn’t anyone plucking me out of my misery and bringing me to the spotlight?

I don’t remember when how or the epiphany came, but I suddenly realized that no one was going to pluck me out of obscurity but myself.

And of course, once I had made the decision and converged the paths, I got pregnant with our 3rd child and I became more determined than ever. Since having our 3rd daughter 2 years ago, I have been awarded 2 grants, recorded a live concert and a live off the floor- to be released album. I am fearlessly entering post-concussion haze and plantar fasciatis and gigging as much as possible. Nothing is going to stop me this time. You will have to tear my cold, dead, arthritic body off the mic before I’ll leave.

Hence, this blog. This is where I want you to find solace, support, candor, and fire. I want you to find wisdom and learn from my past mistakes. I want to have conversations with you, tell me what works, what doesn’t. I will post interviews, articles, books, IG accounts to follow, places to converge.

WELCOME TO MOTHER/MUSIC/HOOD.