Alternate Title:

WHEN THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE. WHICH IS ALWAYS.

This has been quite a week. I’m not sure what you think, but I am pretty sure we are most interested in the thing that is the most difficult for us. For me, that’s improvisation. My Masters Thesis was written on the importance of improvisation in academia, and right now I am thinking I could use a lesson. It’s like I am trying to improvise over a song I haven’t learned. I am constantly making things more difficult for myself because I want to be unique or think outside the box. My high school English teacher named me the queen of the non-sequitur. I am rarely on the same page as you, or myself at times, and it takes me much longer to come around to the stream I should be wading in. Being that way,sometimes, I take a risk and the risk doesn’t pan out the way I’d hoped it would. But sometimes is pans out the way it should. To get to the point-I am going to re-record BORJONER. Yes, the entire thing. It hurts to see that out in writing.

I am heading into studio early February to do-over the entire album. From big jumble of poorly executed decisions made by me, I am crawling back to the vulnerability table to take one more stab at things. This decision did not come lightly, in fact it has been a flip flop since we came out of the live session back in October. So much of this has to do with how I make decisions regarding my career and my insistency on being able to do things the hard way EVERY TIME.

Want a career in music? Have 3 kids first.

Want to get out of debt? Buy a house.

Want to be plucked out of obscurity? Make sure to hide yourself real deep.

I realized my desire to always record “live off the floor” has been masquerading as my fear of going into studio and actually <ahem> being SUCCESSFUL. I never saw the connection between my decision process and my metrics of success. And the funny thing is, back in July, I had a virtual session with Tamara Beatty, famed vocal coach, who asked me “Where is your power going?” That question rocked me to my core, for I had to come to the realization over and over again during this whole process that I am continually giving away my power. Someone has power over my finances, power over my creative process, power over day to day activities, power over how I see myself. And these are all things I gave away. Marriage can be a very good thing, but it can also be a comedy of errors. When I got married, I happily signed away everything to Kris, not realizing that I needed to hold on to things to maintain my sense of self and from that my FREEDOM. You also have will have a big problem communicating if you don’t know who you are.

I have been very lost for a long time, unable to curate my ideas or even attempt to fulfill my dreams, having been the biggest obstacle in my own path. This month, I am excited to be given the chance to truly take a bigger risk than I have ever taken, and that is going into studio. To give myself the chance to be polished and precise, to allow you all in to see and HEAR me and to get out of my own way.