Phase 1 Fears, New Normal Loves.

Ok-I think I’ve got this. It’s been 10 weeks or so…so, this is the new normal right? Oh, you mean, you want to re-open? You think we’re ready to try? Really? So, I’ve sacrificed and found peace only to find it’s going to change again?

Folks ask me, how ARE you doing?

Now that things have seemingly settled into a new “non-routine” I can say that things actually feel ok, as long as we don’t have to think about our sinking business or lack of gigs or homeschooling. The domesticity of all it all is actually quite peaceful, the garden, the dirt, the seeds. It’s a promise of something better to come. Something new. I look forward to quiet summer days, pulling weeds, and picking flowers.

As long as I don’t think too deeply into the cuts this has made to the fascia of my being, my husband’s business and self-identity, I’m ok.
As long as someone smiles back at me in the grocery store, I’m ok. As long as that neighbour I’ve never seen before greets me and picks up their dog poop, I’m ok. But then I think, am I ok?

Like a piece of spaghetti, once perfectly straight, I snap in two.

Sharing the music is the one great thing, besides kid snuggles and cat purrs, that is helping me get through this. I don’t have the desire to play. I want to be with my friends again. The ones who give me the ability to sing and collaborate and just. be. me.

I look forward to that day when I can be lifted up again, physically, musically, by my peers.

xo

AJ