AS TIME GOES BY
Apologies friends. Has it really been since July that I’ve written to you?
It has. In that time, I’ve been at work. My new work, in a long term care facility. Let me say that the cognitive dissonance between getting reviewed and heading off to work is very perturbing. It’s so dis-aligning most times. This week has been strange. In between receiving the news that I will received another grant from Calgary Arts Development, and having a wee interview on CTV News at Noon today, I’m doing homeschool with my kids on my days off from “WORK.” And, honestly I am having such a terrible time getting excited about the next project coming down the tubes.
Today on CTV News at Noon. Photo by Melanie Ward.
It feels like BORJONER hasn’t really done it’s thing-probably because there are no shows booked,and i haven’t played a full-on gig in months. I am also contractually confined to only working in one place because I work in a long term care facility.
I am exhausted and drained from an intense role at work, with big learning curves.
The project I proposed is really probably only 50 percent funded-so I need to apply for more money from somewhere, or go further into debt.
The project I proposed is for 3 albums. 3. WHY? Why do I insist on major challenges? Something is wrong with me.
Will the next project have this feeling of suspension like BORJONER has? Severe release mood swings. It’s like BORJONER has been MANIC.
It’s also the 1 year anniversary of our initial recording of BORJONER at Buckingjam Palace. I can’t believe it’s been a year. I saw this time looking so differently, had so many plans. You would think by now I would know not to have plans. Really, no concrete ideas about the way my life will turn out. Cause if you had told me that day in October last year that I will be working full time in LTC, I would have looked at you so confuddled. I mean, by all ways and means, the album has been “successful.” But even that amount of success is not enough to float the dissonance that happens day to day.
Simon Fisk, Robin Tufts, Eric Jesse, Kris Benoit, Me, Sheldon Zandboer and Brendan Kane.
So, the question is-how will I seek joy? I need the vibration from making music-but I am so fatigued that I can’t get my head around doing it. I literally need someone to boot me out the door-mask on-and be with my people.
This is what I am holding onto for now:
“Do not cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. ”